Sunday, March 31, 2013
All my writings are the same. And just like all other posts, let me make a short, sweet statement. One which anyone reading and anyone who knows me personally might (but hopefully not) link a connection to it: I don't like to wait.
I feel guilty for making that sort of declaration because I let it happen all the time. From a person waiting in their car for me to a fuller spectrum where lights have not yet wrapped around the spaces of my future.
I also like to bring things to a very unwarning halt. Like this blog for example. Tons of ideas, tons of plans simply shoved under a pile of life. Okay, maybe I lied. Before the beginning of that last sentence I was about to type something completely different. But trust me, it's information that I'd rather not unveil just yet.
Seeing you off the edges has always made me want to jump. There have been quite a few people in my life that have bestowed me with the impulse to aggressively swing myself to things I've not yet done. For the past four years, it's only been a certain two that I sadly recall the most effective and impactful individuals, and one whom has unconditionally held my hand the whole time.
How challenging it is to be lonesome. Really. Though part of me preaches the fact that everyone really has to go through it though no one wants to admit that it's going to be their last time wounded by that type of feeling. One of the people that has given me the desire to just push myself doesn't convey such a strong presence anymore, but this person bruised me with a stupid juvenile longing for anti perpetualism and nourished me with growth.
The second (and say, the most influential), spilled on me with all sugar. At this point I keep reading the very first sentence of this post with the natural intention of correcting anything that sounds awkward or to simply sail the groove of the whole post but I'm really trying to stop myself from doing so. Anyway, as I was saying, sugar. Right. It was just a couple of days ago that I was traversing the text-raped, incoherent posts that made up my private teenage tumblr when I happily read a pleasant post that I had written about you. 11: 13. You probably didn't catch it. I wonder why I always do. And it's so bizarre because I was just listening to such a lovely prelude to time feelers just now (that was really shaping the flow of this paragraph) and I just clicked to re-play it because it's too nice to not do so. Ah! Does the fact that I keep deviating from my initial direction reflect my current giddiness? probably not. I'll shut up now. When I read this post, it instantly enlivened every time through a physical manifestation of a smile. And maybe it's too strange to speak of the spirit because I've always found it rather pretentious to do that but, I just got this rush where I know my spirit has dropped a massive layer of approval on all things lately and I feel happier.
Here we go again. As I reach the end of my usual self-incitements, here comes the ending thought. The "big" idea.The clarification. The finality. All I'm trying to say is that anything that's thrown over to me I know that it was because that's the only way it could be. I'm happy with what and who I have and my feelings won't ever regress to what I currently am surrounded with. I can't say that dodges won't be made but I can always remember what I had.
Eh, that was probably confusing.
*edit: It's not important and no one cares but only a single error was corrected in the typing of this post and I have yet to read it in its full. I also sent this text to someone who I'm waiting for them to start reading before I do.